Jordan Peele's next movie, or "115 year-old church conversion! Only $4000/month!"

"115 Year old Church Conversion! Smack dab in the middle of Logan Square (2900 W Logan BLVD) At the heart of this community is the actual "square" in Logan Square. It comes together at the intersection of Kedzie and Logan Boulevard, where a circle interchange meets with Milwaukee Avenue. The boulevards themselves are widened thoroughfares that are set apart by grassy, landscaped medians and tall, stately trees that border both its sides. The neighborhood boasts four of them in total and these link together to form Chicago's "Emerald Necklace," an expansive system of interconnected parks and streetscapes dotted with beautifully-restored mansions, handsome greystone homes and majestic churches." - Kass Management Services posting on Zillow.

Like many godless heathen zillennials, I stopped going to church years ago. I don't feel particularly strongly about going to church (sorry abuela), or God, or religion. I might indulge in a tarot card reading, or help a friend cleanse their healing crystals in the light of the full moon, but that's pretty much the extent of my spiritual feelings.

But then I saw my childhood church turned into luxury apartments, I suddenly felt a righteous fervor take over my soul. The altar where we took communion? Now repurposed as a kitchen counter! The pews where my brothers and I used to doodle in crayons during Sunday service? Cleared for an open floor plan!!

Church breakfasts, Sunday school, volunteering and charity work, and the community that this church created has been exchanged for...what exactly? While I don't believe that churches should be the centers of community power and resources in a neighborhood, I think it's safe to say that they provide more social good than luxury apartments do.

Clearly this is a trend, not just in Chicago but in Logan Square specifically. Like with this 109-year-old-church-turned-condo around the corner from Palmer Square. Or this Humboldt Boulevard church converted into luxury apartments, Or, a personal favorite- the circus training center conversion that used to be a church at the corner of Kimball and Wrightwood (I'll actually give this one a pass, because where else could you build a circus training center?).

Aren't the inhabitants of these conversions scared of ghosts? Nuns lurking behind the modernist gray couches, children in their Sunday school best flinging generic framed poster art from the walls, old ladies scratching their fingernails along the exposed brick walls. The absurdity, horror, and painful accuracy of it all... someone call Jordan Peele.

I was baptized here. What happens in this room now?

Photos courtesy of Zillow.

Imagine Jesus staring you down like this while you do the dishes. Photos courtesy of Zillow.

Some interesting furnishing and interior decorating choices being made here. Photo courtesy of Kass Management.